my world was flickering.

my weekend festivities took their toll when i woke up yesterday morning feeling sick. or not so much “sick” as “definitely not well.” my head felt heavy. my breathing felt thick, syrupy. and the sound and contrast of the world was muted, grey with noise reduction. i sat up and noted that it wasn’t merely a hangover; that “sick” smell was present.

you know that smell the first morning you wake up sick? i don’t know if it’s some change in the makeup of your saliva, or maybe your lung passages are tainted with some kind of chemical which alters the smell of your breath. but when you’re sick, or at least when i’m sick i can smell it.

a few hours and many pharmeceuticals later, i felt a little better. except the world was even duller; my senses were numb. i ventured out of my apartment to eat lunch, some hot vietnamese soup (or “pho,” for the initiated) to aid my staggering health. i only finished about half of my order.

i ended up at the record store, obstensibly shopping for presents for other people. but after ten minutes or so, that noble goal was forgotten and i had gathered a growing batch of personal indulgences. and i don’t know if it was the dust of the “used” new arrivals, or the spirit of christmas seeking to curb my selfish behavior, but i suddenly buckled. or rather, my body did. i had to lie down.

right now.

i abandoned my vinyl selections. i got into my car and made it home and into my bed. i didn’t even manage to take off my socks or empty my pockets.

i woke up hours later. and my world was flickering. at first i thought there was something wrong with the christmas lights in my room.

they were fading and brightening at odd intervals. but then i figured out it was just me.

i turned on a legitimate light, my halogen lamp, and at first it broke through the cobwebs. but as i sat there in my bed half-bundled in blankets, soon enough that bright light would flicker as well. it was a peculiar sensation. i realized that, logically, it was only my senses which were fading and intensifying, but even with this knowledge the resulting effect seemed no more comforting.

because my world was flickering. the light of the world was waxing and waning in time to an unseen clock, languid and diminished. and no combination of soup or pillows would remedy the situation tonight.